neurotic epiphany

‘What’s faster than lightening,’ was the question that would run in a 9 year old’s curious yet innocent mind. 11 years later he had found answers,although not in the best ways possible. He had learnt that feelings were faster than the outburst of Lord Zeus himself. There always comes that position in life where you fall prey to the hungry predator that lies in Cupid. Though a complex simpleton,he is the most dangerous player in the game and make no mistake when I say,he can judge the worth of your life in a matter of seconds. I happened to be on the wrong side of the bow a couple of years after the innocence in me had been washed away. This is the aftermath of that fateful encounter with Cupid.

“The burning of darkness to light

Like how the path between us lies

Frozen snowflakes dripping blood

The epitome of my love for you

The fate of our path lies twisted

Like how the past witnessed our hands entwined”

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A or B? ALPHABETS!

When options run down to passion and bread,dilemma begins. One of those defining moments saw me write this.

“Crossroads lay right before thou sight
Choose before giving up on you is your might
Farfetched seems to be your imagination
For you are as gay as Lord after his wonderful creation
Choose between one of the roads screams your mind
Paths ahead filled with friends like fiends
Waiting for your fall like scavengers after the apocalypse
Only time can tell whether you can grasp tight the future’s glimpse”

THE PANDEMONIUM SERENITY.

Dark age evolved into the golden age. But did the dark age in anyone’s mind ever cross over to the golden age? I’ve been living with that question for a long time. There were instances where life went pandemonium. Not the body,but the heart and mind. But as time went on,I found serenity in this pandemonium. I started living in it like it was meant to be my birthplace and worked in it like it was my workshop.

“The darkest place on earth laced by the sparkles of the moonlight

My mind stole that title,the moonlight being my fodder to write

As steps for heaven seem too vague and the pit to hell seems too smoggy

I have but this dark place to dwell my insignificant being in

Because hell won’t have my hide nor would heaven gift me wings

In the beginning, I stood alone with my mic in that moonlight

In the end,the mic stood alone in a room full of people.”

My workshop always brings forth the best in me. Help is all I seek from it and to share the help is all I want to do. Empathy and love.

THE DEVIL’S BALLROOM

Some say I’m blessed. Very few know about the curse I carry.

“He sat in the extreme corners of his confined heart.
His emotions couldn’t be controlled anymore
nor could his weeping heart pretend to smile from ear to ear.

His past had left little to be happy about
And his future,fortunately seemed vague.
He buries his face in the pillows of heartbreak
And wonders where it all went wrong.

She dances in the ballroom with devils
Pretend angels they were, stooping down
Picking up broken pieces and fragile tears
And drowning themselves in the blood of the innocent
Her heart bleeds rather than her soul
She buries her face in the pillows of doom
And wonders where it all went wrong.”

THE INNER TURMOIL

I have been living with two sides living inside me. One side chooses the path of love. The other sadistic side chooses its evil twin. That’s when I sat at 3:00 am and started inking the paper.

“When Love and Hate waged war

Jealousy and lies helped hate

In a battle that hate could win

Entered hope and truth in triumph

To stand by Love’s side.

The battle goes on forever

But the war never seems to end

And none of the two are beaten

Entered man into the battlefield

He chose Love over Hate

Hate’s choice was to runaway

To hide with what’s left of it

But Hate waits for the day

The day man loses hope and truth

and Love stands alone to die

Wonders! Man still holds on to Love

And promises to fight forever

His message is loud and clear

Each man has to complete the odyssey

To sway Hate towards Love

And to stand strong forever.”

WHEN BLOWS CAN BE TAKEN

Tonight,it is lost in the hollow

Those pieces of heart you claim to be yours,

are in fact mine over yours

Still intact by my suffering it is.

Your heartbreak is what my heart cushioned

That blow taken,it lies prone to danger

But it is you who brushed it aside

Picking up what I gifted to you

That heart of yours tangled in lust

Leaving behind this empty chap

Who looks beyond your graceful retreat.

WHEN TWO HEARTS “CONNECT”

I start with one of the faintest memories of mine which left me wondering about how useless I could be when I met someone with whom I could easily speak over the phone with,in person.

Conversations are the best way to let your emotions out. “They” told me that. We live in an age where texting and chatting is presumably more easier than having a face to face conversation. Again, “They” call it awkward silence. Two tense souls and two disturbed hearts that do not know how to make use of their hands nor their mouths when they meet in person.

I will call this awkward silence as ‘zero practice’ because that is exactly what it is.

While texting over the phone, you have an option of choosing what she wants to read. If you don’t know what she wants, you have ample time to look over it. There is this huge wall between you and her. It allows you to not only hide your true expressions, but also to fake it. It also stops one from locking eyes with the other. That way, many true emotions are either left unsaid or diluted. Hence, practice is lost.

We realise this error in the talking pattern only when we meet each other and we are at a loss for words. Not because she’s beautiful, but because we don’t have an idea what to say. We can’t even compliment her beauty. It is at this point that we begin to fumble to get the right words out, praying and hoping that she might forgive you. We lack the skill of judgement to ensure the proper filter of our thoughts that end up escaping our mouths. We even end up not saying what is ideal, something that we would have no problem with while texting her.

Experts will give you many suggestions to overcome this dilemma. I would give a simple yet effective one at that. The best way out of this pit that you’ve dug, would be to overcome this texting addiction and build upon that beautiful relationship using true emotions. Use words from the heart and not the mind. At the end of the day, speak whatever you truly feel like and mean to say. Above all, practice! Throw in a little bit of expression into that basket as flavour and voilĂ ! You’ve mastered the perfect recipe to overcome that overrated awkward silence barrier.

I took months to figure this out. Whatever I did, I am putting it down here. I hope it helps.